Quit Smoking Jokes

In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day, these were the results: The first worm in alcohol — dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke — dead. The third worm in sperm — dead. The fourth worm in soil — alive. So the science teacher asked the class — "What can you learn from this experiment." Little Tommy quickly raised his hand and said. "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won’t have worms."

You know, you don’t actually smoke. The cigarette does all the smoking, you are just the sucker!

I would quit, but no one likes a quitter.

Nicotine addiction is like an itch. If you itch, it’s nice to scratch it. But better to have no itch at all.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too small to smoke!

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.

If I stop smoking, will I live longer? Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you’ll probably stress yourself to death in record time. :)

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead."

Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings." The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his eyes." The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt." "Really, have you seen it?" reply the boys. The third boy responds, "No, but I’ve seen the tobacco stains on his underwear..."